Huan At a Time
‘Welcome to Huan At a Time, with Huan, I’m your favourite daily news anchor, your one stop for all things news; Huan.’
The background behind the dark, brooding, suited up man with thick lines of a moustache and specs of white powder around his nose, was a blue round globe spinning around. Covering his mouth with his fist, he coughed. After he finished, he spoke, looking at the camera.
‘First up we have news from the government, relevant wherever you are,’ his voice cracked a little, he cleared his throat, but kept on:
‘The Federal Treasury has stated all citizens must report all of their respective property and belongings to their local treasury representatives, in the first step of new tax reformations.’
‘In our special segment we’ll talk about the life, along with the personal address and family members, of an outspoken critic of mine who—during our research—turned out to be a confirmed Nazi paedophile.’
He blinked a couple of times, staring at the camera, mumbling something to himself while his eyes zapped left and right a little until he paused in an “aha” moment.
‘After years of the Wall Project being postponed since last elections, scientists developed a pill to completely stop and prevent menopause. However, congress does not feel it appropriate for the medication to be freely distributed across the nation, citing lack of testing as the reason.’
Huan shuffled the papers on his desk, never looking at them, his eyes never strayed away from the camera.
‘The President's heavy "Tax-the-Rich 99.999%" scheme has again stirred controversy. It came right after only almost a quadrillion dollar surplus of wealth was injected into the economies and private individuals all over the nation, causing somewhat of an uproar among the newly found millionaires.’
Huan coughed as if his lungs would be puked up any moment.
‘During the 21st Anniversary of Venezuelan liberation from capitalism, King Chavez IV Jr. stated that the nation is finally seeing an upturn in production of food and goods, after 99% of the population had, allegedly, gently ceased functions.’
He took a swig from a bottle of Jack Daniels.
‘Before moving on, GNN would like to dispel any rumours of societal collapse and nuclear holocaust as false news. That being said, if you own a bunker, it might be time to check in on your food and water supplies.’
There was a rumble, low hum of ground shaking. Huan coughed again, this time falling off the chair. After a moment a different man, brown hair, clean shaven, replaced him, saying:
‘I’m Huan, from Huan At a Time, giving you biased national news and sensational reporting broadcasted across the globe! As long as you keep watching, we’ll churn it out!’ with a smile the man pointed at the camera, winked.